By Dr. Margaret Paul
Special to NurseZone
Barbara sought my help because of her chronic fatigue. She had been going to different kinds of doctors and trying different nutrition plans for years and nothing was helping. One of her doctors suggested she try psychotherapy.
It became evident early in working together that Barbara was deeply addicted to negative thinking. Constant negativity ran through her mind about all aspects of her life. She would get out of her car and worry about getting robbed. In social situations, she would tell herself that people didn't like her. She was always worried about money, though she was a successful graphic designer. Her husband could never do anything right. There was something wrong with every doctor she saw.
Negative thinking can cause much stress to the body. I told Barbara to imagine she was telling these negative thoughts to a child. How would the child feel most of the time? Barbara knew this child would, of course, feel anxious and stressed much of the time. The child will feel this ways as a result of all the negative thinking.
The medical profession has long told us that stress is one of the leading causes of illness. Stress sets into motion the body's fight or flight response, pouring cortisol into the body and eventually exhausting the adrenal glands. Adrenal exhaustion can be one of the results of so much negative thinking.
While Barbara could understand the possible effect her negative thinking was having on her health, it was extremely challenging for her to give it up. Barbara deeply believed that her negative thinking kept her safe from disappointment. She believed negative thinking prepared her to deal with a bad event before it happened. She didn't want to be caught off guard. She believed she could not handle the pain of disappointment. If she knew about it ahead of time and actually expected it, she wouldn't feel disappointed.
In addition, Barbara believed if she was vigilant enough and thought through all the potential negative outcomes, she could prevent them. She believed by thinking ahead, she could somehow control the outcome.
Finally, Barbara also believed she could control how people felt about her by acting right and saying the right thing. She was vigilant in her behavior with others in an attempt to control how they felt about and treated her.
However, in doing these things, Barbara may have been causing her illness. The underlying cause of her negative thinking was her devotion to being in control.
The problem with this is that it is based on an illusion—the illusion of control. The fact is Barbara could not foresee every event that could cause her some pain. She was devastated every time something happened she had not foreseen. How could something painful come out of the blue like that? How could she have not seen it coming?
The paradox of all of this is that, in trying to foresee future catastrophes, Barbara was not present in the moment. Real safety is being present in the moment so we can respond appropriately to whatever is presently happening. When we are fully present in the moment, we are available to receive information from our inner guidance. All of us have a source of guidance, which is always available to us. It is here to help and protect us. However, we can access our guidance only when we are fully present in the moment—not when we are trying to control the future.
Barbara is beginning the process of becoming more aware of her negative thinking. She is not healthy yet, but she has better days now.
Moving beyond negative thinking is a process that takes time. If you are a negative thinker, you have been practicing this form of thinking your whole life. It is not going to stop in a day. Nevertheless, if you tune into the stress you feel and learn to connect your stress with your negative thinking, you can slowly change this pattern.
Vitality and joy can be the result of letting go of your negative thinking and learning to be present in the moment.
Inner Bonding Educational Technologies, Inc.
PMB #42, 2531 Sawtelle Blvd. Los Angeles, CA 90064
310-459-1700; 888-6INNERBOND (888-646-6372)
www.innerbonding.com.